My Adolescent Insecurity with Social Media

Adolescence was a bit of a mixed bag for me. Highs included learning to drive, losing my virginity and forming friendships that, even today, are among my strongest. On the downside were acne, years of bad preppy clothing and a nagging sense of social insecurity that made me feel that no matter what peak of popularity I was able to summit, there was always a new mountain to climb. In time, I outgrew many of these lows. Sure, I still get the occasional blemish, and ironically I just bought a pair of penny loafers. But at the ripe age of 45, I am truly content with who I am, the relationships I have and my social standing in the world, both personally and professionally. Or at least I thought I was.

Social media has reawakened my social insecurities. I have tried to embrace this still relatively new and ever-expanding medium, but I admit, I have struggled with it. In one sense, the landscape is changing so fast it’s almost impossible to keep up, making me perpetually feel, in the words of my niece, “so five minutes ago.” You throw yourself out there on Facebook and LinkedIn, and then you have to master Twitter; and just when you feel like you’ve got that figured out, you wake up one morning to discover that the party’s moved to Pinterest, and you’ve got nothing cool to wear…and no ride.

Adding insult to injury is the numbers game. When I signed up for Twitter, I did so more to follow people, organizations and media I was interested in, not to convince others to follow me. But I quickly found myself wondering, “Why aren’t more people following me?” I became disturbingly focused on my Klout, which I now realize is the social media equivalent of that mean girl in high school who decides who’s in and who’s out. And I wrestled with the fact that I wasn’t (if I was being honest with myself) genuinely interested in the hundreds of people I was following, even if others were telling me I was supposed to be.

Many aspects of social media weren’t working for me. But I’ve come to realize that what was wrong with this situation wasn’t social media as much as it was my approach to it.

I think one of the key reasons people my age or older struggle with social media is because we are trying to dive into a milieu and set of social norms that, for many of us, we’ve outgrown. When we were teens and young adults, our social clout was measured more by the breadth of our friendships than their depth. It was quantity over quality. But as we got older — as we partnered-up, started families and became more focused on our careers — we started paring down the number of relationships we tried to maintain and, instead, began focusing on those that we found most meaningful.

That’s what was missing for me with social media: meaning. I had moved past the point where I wanted a trophy chest of friendships that were a mile wide and an inch deep, and the norms of social media that I felt I had to subscribe to didn’t coincide with that transition. But through the guidance of others — including my wise PR consultant, Helena Bouchez — I’ve come to see social media differently and find meaning within it. Instead of looking at it as a measure of popularity or solely as a means to connect with as many people as possible, I’ve come to view it as a way to spark my imagination, broaden my horizons and, most importantly, build relationships with people who interest and inspire me.

Jeff Pulver, founder of Vonage and the 140 Characters Conference, tells people to look at things like Twitter as “being an exercise not of typing and reading, but hearing and listening. Being vulnerable, and being yourself. And going beyond all this to actually love yourself and believe in your message and your voice.” Now that speaks to me, both as an adult and as a recovering adolescent. If only Jeff had been there whispering in my ear when I went through high school.

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Can a Line Change a Brand?

I am cursed with an unbelievably generic name. As one flippant Manhattan restaurant hostess said to me when I was reserving a table, “Wow, that’s just about the whitest name I’ve ever heard.” It stung. But the truth often hurts.

Growing up, I was desperate for a nickname. While all around me kids were attracting various monikers, my psyche seemed to be forever yoked to three bland syllables: Bill Baker. I tried shamelessly to seed potential nicknames with my peers by talking endlessly about certain things I loved (“Skittles!”) or tenaciously working made-up catch phrases into my speech (“Man, that is sooo gitch!”). Eventually, this hopeless endeavor  jumped the shark once I left home and went away to college. When meeting someone new, I would introduce myself with, “Hi. My name’s Bill Baker, but my friends call me Bakes,” only to be met with a quiet, contemplative stare and then simply, “Nice to meet you…Bill.”

Eventually, I gave up. But after doing so, I came to realize that, while the words, phrases or monikers connected to my “brand” certainly had some influence on people’s impressions of it, what shaped their impressions more was their actual experience of being with me. In other words, words alone were never going to do it.

I was thinking of this admittedly tragic and somewhat desperate aspect of my past when I read an article about the Smithsonian rebranding itself. Through considerable consumer research, the Smithsonian had discovered that, though it remains one of the most recognized brands in the world, more and more people felt it was antiquated and saw it primarily as “the nation’s attic.” The leadership of the Smithsonian wanted to change people’s impressions and open their eyes to the considerable amount of things this institution did beyond simply collecting “stuff.” Rightly so.

But while their intentions were admirable and the objectives behind their efforts warranted, I was bewildered to hear them talk about the solution to all their problems being a shiny new tagline: “Simply Amazing.” With sheer conviction, they waxed on about how this new line would alter people’s impressions of the Smithsonian and get everyone to see it for what it really was: as if by simply telling people the Smithsonian was simply amazing, people would come to see it as such.

Don’t get me wrong; I admire copy writing and the way certain people can bring words together poetically and provocatively. But the days in which a short collection of words can completely alter the way people perceive a brand are more or less gone. This is especially true if said line is about the brand (“No seriously; we’re simply amazing!”) and not about something bigger that transcends that brand. “Just do it” and “Think different” are immortal taglines because they aren’t about their brands. They’re about the higher sense of purpose that drives those brands, and they boldly encourage their consumers, their “tribe” to rise up and realize that purpose. One has to wonder what the Smithsonian’s tribal rallying cry would be?

To truly change the way people perceive the Smithsonian, they’re going to have to evolve the way people connect with, interact and are engaged by it. Our impressions of a brand are formed by what we hear, yes. But they are formed more by how we experience that brand, on our own or through the recollections of others. It is the experience of brands that ultimately creates memories and serves as fodder for stories we hold dear and long to share with others.

I certainly hope the Smithsonian got more out of this $1 million branding effort than just those two words. I have to think it did, as it deserves. I have great fondness for this institution, having spent countless hours walking its halls as a child and young adult. I truly admire the Smithsonian. Dare I say, I love it.

Hey, maybe Smithsonian could be my new nickname!

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A New Take on New Year’s Resolutions

As we approach the start of a new year and with it the traditional practice of making resolutions, I thought it might be helpful to reprint a post I did last year on the subject of setting personal goals. Enjoy.

At the start of every January, amidst the dark days of my annual sugar, butter and alcohol withdrawal, I write out my personal goals for the New Year. I started doing this several years ago when I was struck by the irony that, although I help others think strategically about their brands and businesses, I hadn’t really thought strategically about my own life. Strategic storyteller, heal thyself.

A lot of people tackle this sort of thing by establishing New Year’s resolutions, looking at the year ahead and identifying what they want to stop or start doing. While this is certainly a valiant endeavor, in many respects these resolutions become a glorified “To Do” list. What’s more, a lot of resolutions have a negative, depriving nature to them – e.g. lose 12 pounds, finally stop watching “America’s Next Top Model,” give up drinking on Sundays – which makes them feel Lenten and uninspiring.

New Year’s resolutions are different than personal goals. I’ve got nothing against New Year’s resolutions, but for most of us they just become promises to ourselves that we break. They’re often mired in the past or present, not forward thinking; and they tend to focus on actions, not achievements and the hopes and desires that fuel them. In contrast, personal goals focus on results. They reflect a situation that has yet to transpire and are therefore, by nature, future-oriented. And because they are future-oriented, they tend to be conceived in a positive light…because who really wants to think negatively about the future when setting goals?

I like to establish my personal goals for the next year by projecting myself mentally and emotionally into the future. I visualize myself on the next New Year’s Eve, savouring my last butter tart, sipping that last, precious glass of champagne, looking back on the year and reminiscing about the things I’ve accomplished. I literally envision myself in that place and time, imagining how I want to think and feel about the year that’s just passed. I think about the stories I want to be telling others – e.g. about how I learned jazz piano, secured three major new clients, took a trip to South America, read one of the classics. I imagine all these things from the future, and then I write them down. And I read them, out loud, at the start of each week (admittedly, sometimes in the mirror).

When you’re looking down the road at a brand-spanking-new year for you personally, don’t look at it from the perspective of January 1st; leap forward and look back on it from December 31st. I think you’ll be more inspired and motivated by the view from there.

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Madonna and the Super Bowl’s Material World

Madonna is back. With the recent announcement that the once-reigning Queen of Pop will headline the Super Bowl XLVI halftime show, Madonna is, once again, “back,” exactly as she likes to be, reemerging intuitively onto the scene just before we are about to forget about her. She is like musical kudzu. You can’t keep that woman down.

My genuine admiration for Madge aside, I was struck by all the hoopla that surrounded the announcement of her performing at this season’s Super Bowl. To be clear, it is a coup for any artist to get this gig, and Madonna will be in good company with The Rolling Stones, Black Eyed Peas, Justin Timberlake, Janet, Janet’s breast, etc. I just hope that someone has told her she’s going to have to sing live.

However, amid all the talk about the halftime show, the commercials, how much they cost to air and who will be singing the National Anthem, I have to wonder, “What about the game?”

I can’t help but feel that the Super Bowl brand has lost its story as it becomes increasingly disconnected from the great American sport it is meant to celebrate. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that the Super Bowl is both ritual and hallowed event for hundreds of millions of football fans: as well it should be. It gives us an opportunity to come together and cheer for something on a Sunday afternoon, paint our faces and eat things that aren’t good for us. And I know that true football fans care deeply about the game that’s buried in there, somewhere, beneath all the show business and spectacle. But the brand of the Super Bowl—the current story of the Super Bowl—has become out-of-step with the grit and determination of the game it represents as well as what true football fans love most about it.

Ask 100 people on the street to tell you a story about the Super Bowl, and I bet the majority of them would talk first about the glitzy, “corporate-fest” this sporting event has become—e.g. the commercials, the show, the performers, etc. And yes, I’m certain some would mention football at some point. But only a few would talk about the Super Bowl as the championship game at the end of a tough playoff series at the end of a long and demanding season. I bet only a few would talk about the Vince Lombardi Trophy that’s won. These things have almost become an afterthought.

In contrast, the stories of the World Series and Stanley Cup Playoffs still feel very connected to their sports. During the Stanley Cup Playoffs I wrote a blog post about this; specifically about how, despite all the spectacle surrounding professional sports, the Stanley Cup remains genuine, authentic and very true to its fans. You see, the Stanley Cup is both an event—the playoffs—and an icon—a trophy that signifies excellence, tenacity and a long, hard road that has just been won. In contrast, the Super Bowl has really become an event and little more. A very big event, to be sure; but still, just an event.

I respect that the NFL has to make money with the Super Bowl and that there has always been a degree of splash and spectacle in professional football. But after this year’s event is behind us, the glitter dust has settled and we’ve wiped the paint from our faces, I would encourage the NFL to take a couple steps back and look at what the Super Bowl has become and try to remember what it used to be. Perhaps they can pull it back a bit towards its roots, reconnecting it to the game. Football fans deserve a story like that.

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Storytelling Versus Strategic Storytelling

Over the past year, I have had the pleasure of working David Baker of ReCourses. David specializes in providing counsel and guidance exclusively to marketing firms and has worked with hundreds of small to mid-size agencies around the world. He is a great listener, an insightful coach and a damn good photographer, which I suppose has little to do with him being a good listener or coach, but still warrants a mention. I have one of his pieces hanging in my apartment. But I digress…

Throughout his professional travels, David has been hearing more and more about storytelling; and the more he heard, the more he began to suspect that a lot of people were misusing the term. Accordingly, he asked if I would write a guest blog post on the subject, and I was honoured and flattered to oblige. In this post, the distinction I draw is around the difference between storytelling and strategic storytelling as we practice it at BB&Co. The former often involves telling any ol’ story, where as the latter involves finding, crafting and telling the right story.

You can read the post by clicking here. Enjoy and join the discussion if you feel so inclined. And thank you, David, for the opportunity to be heard and set the record straight.

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The Richness of Diversity

About a month ago, I had the pleasure of conducting some storytelling workshops at a summit for the GLBTA Alliance of GE. Held once a year, this conference offers gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender employees of GE (as well as their allies) a chance to come together, share stories around their achievements and discuss the challenges they still face in the workplace. This gig was especially meaningful for me because I am the “G” in GLBTA. This is no news to many of you, especially if you ever watched the video of me starring in my high school’s production of “The Music Man.” It was as if I was channeling Paul Lynde, Liberace and Charles Nelson Reilly all at once.

At one point during the conference, a short film was shown. Produced by GE’s GLBTA Alliance, this video was intended to convey a richer, more compelling story around the benefits of diversity in the workplace and of employees being out and open. It was very well done, especially in how it looked at these benefits from two different angles.

The more obvious perspective was a personal one, as gays and lesbian employees talked about the freedom and joy that comes from being able be wholly themselves at work. When a company hires someone, they hire the whole person, not just a slice of him or her. And when people feel safe and secure to bring that whole person to work each day, they are happier and more fulfilled as a result. As one lesbian employee exclaimed in the film, “I cannot imagine preparing for my wedding if I wasn’t out at work. Just like everybody (else), I wanted to celebrate my life.”

The less obvious perspective was a more practical one. Gay and lesbian employees talked about how much mental and emotional energy was spent on trying to stay in the closet, as they dodged sensitive questions, avoided getting too close with coworkers and perpetuated falsehoods of their own creation. It is a constant source of anxiety, like keeping several plates of lies spinning at once. Now imagine, they asked rhetorically, if the source of that anxiety was gone and all that energy was now free to be directed towards our jobs. Consider how much more focused, inspired and productive we could be!

Adding to this pragmatic point of view was the perspective of GE executives who spoke at the summit. They echoed the sentiments around wasted energy, but added to that the sheer competitive advantage that comes from having as much diversity as possible evaluating a situation and tackling tough problems. As I listened to these executives talk about the need to foster diversity and openness, I got the sense that it was not just a matter of common decency, but also one of common sense.

From a pragmatic perspective, I know this to be true, having witnessed the advantages derived from having diverse perspectives coming together to look upon a situation. This is why we always identify and recruit outside thought leaders to participate in a client’s StoryFinding session. Having them in the room with us helps ensure we are looking at our clients’ challenges and opportunities from every possible angle.

On a more personal note, I know how distracting and draining it can be to be in the closet at work, having lived there for the first four years of my career in New York. When I switched jobs, I vowed “never again” and have stuck to that. I take my work very personally and therefore want to, need to feel free to bring my whole person to my work.

Today is National Coming Out Day. In the spirit of that day, I encourage you to not only celebrate diversity when you think about your brand, your business and your workforce, but also insist on it. You’ll be the richer for it, in more ways than one.

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A Weekend of Memories, Meaning and Resolve

This past weekend was filled with storytelling. Over dinners, sitting by the lake, talking on the phone, reading the newspaper, surfing the web, there was one story told from countless different vantage points, each of us scratching an itch that has been ten years in the making. As I listened to my friends, family and fellow citizens of the world share their stories and took time to tell my own, I was reminded how powerful a role storytelling plays in our lives. It is the way we most readily communicate as social beings, and in relating stories to others, we connect with them under an umbrella of common understanding and shared humanity. But storytelling is about more than just connecting to people. It is also the mechanism by which we uncover memories, find meaning from them and leverage both to strengthen our resolve.

When we relive memories, we do so through storytelling. It is amazing to me how a story can so quickly unearth feelings and emotions that we thought had been quietly closeted away—how in an instant it can make us recount the fear and confusion we felt on a late summer morning and the anguish we experienced over the weeks and months that followed it. Memories are resilient little things. They rarely die, and they will rise up and force their way through any door cracked open; and more times than not, it’s storytelling that unlocks that door.

Certain memories are indeed filled with pain, as are the challenging, sometimes catastrophic events that spawned them. But in those painful memories there is power, as we pull meaning from them. For it is the meaning gleaned from those memories that we act on, not the memories alone. And it is  meaning that ultimately transforms us and our view of the world. As Tony Benetatos, a once rookie firefighter from lower Manhattan, so eloquently put it, “I don’t think it’s so much the severity of an event that alters who you are. It’s how you interpret it that changes you.”

In finding meaning in a memory, we pay respect both to it and to the event that created it. We also, in a way, take control of it versus letting it control us. We do even more when we cultivate that meaning into resolve: to change ourselves, our lives and the world around us for the better. For instance, resolve to not let fear get in the way of living. Resolve to call my congressman and pressure him to get cancer-stricken First Responders the compensation they so rightfully deserve. Resolve to never forget the past, but also to not let that past prevent me from looking to the future with promise and possibility.

Today is the one-year anniversary of my storytelling blog. It is an infinitesimally small and admittedly personal milestone in the shadow of a much more profound and universal one. Still, as I sit here today, I am grateful to be connected to this timeless and abundantly human craft, thankful for the meaning and resolve I was able to draw from this past weekend’s stories and utterly indebted to the thousands of lost lives behind them.

Peace.

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Why I Love Steve

As the news of Steve Jobs stepping down as Apple CEO swept through the business community, I found myself watching some of his greatest hits online. My favourite is from way back, when he first introduced the Macintosh in the Fall of 1983 and used likely the most famous TV commercial of all time (“1984”) to do so.

Watch it now, then let’s talk.

Steve Jobs is a great leader because he’s a great communicator. And he’s a great communicator, in large part, because he’s a great storyteller. Steve’s ability to use storytelling to pull his audience in is truly remarkable. Through the story that he shares of IBM, he gets the audience to see what he sees, feel what he feels, and in doing so, both rally and become one with them. Of the many things Steve does so well—as a leader, communicator and storyteller—here are a three I would like to point out.

1) He builds tension with the story that he tells, and then resolves it. While there many different types of stories you can share as a communicator, the most effective are ones in which tension is built and then resolved. This is what happens here as Steve recounts IBM’s history of arrogant oversight and pits that history firmly against Apple’s. Of note is his repetition of key phrases to add to that tension—e.g. “Too small to do serious computing.” Beyond his material, Steve’s delivery is fantastic as he uses the rise and fall of his voice and pregnant pauses to add drama to his story. In just a few short minutes, he is able to work his audience into a virtual frenzy, creating an incredible hot pot of tension that only gets resolved (or more appropriately, released) with the showing of “1984.”

2) His storytelling is just as much about what he doesn’t say as what he does. Steve uses the story of IBM to establish context for the main purpose of this event—i.e. to publicly launch the Macintosh. Through his story he shapes the way he wants his audience to think about what is to follow. He also builds a collective sense of purpose, a clear commitment to the mission ahead and a rabid understanding of the big blue machine that has tried to squash that mission. But he never flat out says, “We’re disrupting things and we’re bringing IBM down in the process!” He doesn’t have to, because every single person in that audience already feels it by the time he’s done. They’ve reached that conclusion with Steve, not because he forced it down their throats. And because his audience was able to reach that conclusion on their own, they will respect it all the more and become infinitely more committed to acting on it.

3) He listens, engages and interacts with his audience. Even though Steve is clearly the one on stage doing the talking, he never creates too much distance between him and his audience. Any distance that is there is minimal and completely appropriate. As a leader, he is both apart of his audience and a part from them, able to establish empathy and connection while never compromising his ability to shape their thinking and guide their actions. His audience both sees him and looks up to him. He gives his audience energy, but also clearly gets energy in return as evidenced by his expression when the room erupts into thunderous applause following the viewing of “1984.” It’s almost like a tonic for him. It’s no wonder he fought so hard after his liver transplant to get back on that stage and do what he so clearly loves to do.

It will be interesting to see what happens to Apple with Steve’s departure. I think they’ll continue to thrive, working from an incredibly solid foundation of innovation that he designed and built. Still, I doubt there will ever be anyone that can replace Steve’s role as Storyteller in Chief. The man has a gift, and we are all the richer for it.

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Building Faith and a Culture of Believing

One December afternoon about ten years ago, I set out to buy a festive shirt for the company holiday party. When I returned to the office with said shirt in tow, a co-worker asked me what was in the bag. “You’ll see tonight,” I told her, and then promptly sequestered the bag to my office.

My shirt and I arrived at the party early to greet staff as they came in. I wasn’t there for more than five minutes when in walked a colleague wearing the exact same shirt. We both commented on the strange coincidence and then complimented each other on our respective good taste in clothing. Three minutes later, another colleague walked in wearing the same shirt. “This is incredible!” I remarked, “Honestly, what are the chances?!” Apparently pretty good, because a couple of minutes later another guy walked in with the same shirt on.

With the entrance of each colleague donning the same shirt, my astonishment grew in fervor and pitch. Here was a situation that was starting to feel biblical in its degree of miracle. After screaming in disbelief as the tenth guy appeared in the same shirt, my friend Hugh decided I had had enough humiliation. “Bill,” he confided, “It’s a joke.” “What do you mean?” I asked. “We peeked in your shopping bag and then went back to the store and bought out the rack.” I was touched; embarrassed, but touched.

What struck me about this situation—beyond the fact that I am clearly the most gullible person on the planet—was how great it felt to believe that something extraordinary was happening. It wasn’t Lourdes or Fatima mind you, but still, I felt part of some remarkable phenomena that others were a part of, and that felt pretty cool…even if it was a joke, and that joke was on me.

I fell back on this memory the other day while talking with a group of executives about how we all, as humans, want to believe in something bigger than ourselves, and how, as leaders, they need to foster a culture of believing among their workforce. I shared with them an idea espoused by Narayana Murthy, the founder and Chairman Emeritus of Infosys Technologies, that a leader is a “dealer in faith.” I love that notion and cannot underscore enough its importance in the corporate world. You see, in every great undertaking there are hundreds of practical steps that must take place; but first, there is a leap of faith. A key role of a leader is to compel others to make that leap, helping them marry the logic of where you’re going with the magic of why you want to go there in the first place.

Storytelling has always been a powerful way for leaders to get others to believe in something and, as a result, take that first leap of faith toward realizing a shared vision. Well-crafted stories, well told can build faith because they build meaningful connections between people and ideas; anyone who’s listened to a good sermon knows this. Leaders would do well to remember this, striving to define the beliefs, the faith that everyone in the company can share and create moments and mechanisms that allow them to celebrate that faith together. Building faith is a heavy responsibility, to be sure; but when you build it, people will commit, they will follow and they will work with you to reach your goals. And that’s no joke.

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Postscript – My Cup Runneth Over

Ever since the Canucks lost the Stanley Cup to the Bruins (fair and square, I might add) and downtown Vancouver quickly found itself in the throws of a riot, many people have asked me if the starry-eyed thoughts and sentiments expressed in my post two days ago still hold true with me today. They do.

Make no mistake, watching a bunch of meat-heads transform a communal celebration into a shameful spectacle made me question whether Vancouver or its hockey team really deserved to win the Stanley Cup: ever. But as the smoke and crowds dissipated, it became clear that this riot was the result of a fringe group of people Hell-bent on causing trouble regardless of the outcome of the game. While those jack-asses are an unfortunate part of our community—and we, therefore, must accept some responsibility for them—they do not represent it. And when on the following day several hundred people took to the streets with brooms and several thousand took to the Internet with visual evidence and tips for the police, it confirmed for me how much the integrity and fellowship of the Stanley Cup mean to people. It’s something worth preserving and protecting, as are the reputation of our city and the honour of our hockey team.

It still makes me sad that this riot may be what lingers in the hearts of our citizens and in the memories of the world, rather than the stories and recollections of the incredible journey the Canucks undertook to reach that Stanley Cup Final. No matter. We’ll get over it…and hopefully next year, we’ll get another chance.

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